It actually started yesterday at E's swimming practice. I saw her sitting on the side of the pool, cap and goggles, watching all the other swimmers practice. I'm paying for this and I am schlepping a 2 1/2 year old boy and 3 month old baby here every afternoon so SHE can have this experience. My first reaction is anger.
But I'm not mad. She's a great swimmer. I know she can easily swim across the pool. Her coach knows she can do it. I see myself sitting out there. My heart pangs and I cry a little. It's more than just a fear of the deep end. She will not do ANYTHING she is not 110% sure she CAN do. She will not take a risk if there is a possibility she may be wrong or imperfect. I thought back to a moment at her preschool when her teacher told me she wouldn't predict. She has to know she is right. I feel her. Because it is me. It's held me back from so much in life and caused so much frustration.
My sloppy, unorganized, frazzled appearance may not scream "perfectionist" but it's because this little piece of my personality keeps me from doing so much. I don't organize because I can't create the perfect system so I just don't do it. Just one example...back to my story....
Today we went to the library, chatted with some friends, soaked up some literacy.
I took the time to thank one of the lovely lady librarians for recommending the novel, A View From Saturday, last week. I finished it on the eve of the swim practice. So many things I loved about this book but one thing, in particular, that really resonated with me was how each character had moments where they witnessed acts of kindness and love. They needed these moments so that they could recognize the kindness and love in themselves and share it with others. Maybe reading this book helped me see myself in E?
I was also seeking advice about helping E overcome her perfectionism. I picked the brains of my lovely lady librarians about a possible children's book that explores the themes of trying, risk taking, making mistakes, not being perfect, etc. Talking it out helped me understand what I need to do. I need to do something out of my comfort zone. Something I really want to do but have always been too scared of. Something that we can learn from through imperfections and making mistakes. Blog.
In the wake of this realization of perfectionism, I'm embracing imperfection and vulnerability. For the longest time I have wanted to share our experiences, our ideas and our inspirations through a blog. Most of the time I get hung up on not being able to find the perfect, catchy, clever title that's not too corny...yeah, it doesn't exist. This blog has a new mission...to NOT be perfect. To be messy, irrational, unpredictable and beautiful...like us.
So here's mama, girl! I'm swimming in the deep end. I may get water up my nose or maybe need to I'll need to hang on the lane line once in awhile, but I'm going to stick with it.
For you, me and the community that wants to join us on our adventure!!
